A Part of Me

A part of me still loves you,
Although I know I shouldn’t anymore,
A part of me still listens to those words,
That were uttered it seems a lifetime ago,
All of me don’t miss what you put me through,
But a part of me doesn’t know how to live without you,
I just wish I could forget all about you,
Let the moments in the sun,
The moments in the rain,
The moments in between disappear,
Why do you affect me so still?
Do you honestly think it was so easy?
Do you think it was simple to decide,
To know,
To realize,
That we were over?
Do you think that the marriage meant nothing to me?
But to have what you did to me,
To throw the poems I wrote in my face,
To have you spy on my conversations,
To yell at me,
Than make me so afraid of my life,
Even when you seemed to try to take
Everything that was me away,
I was too strong to let it happen,
I was too strong to keep going on,
I was too strong,
Although I almost lost everything I was,
But yet a part of me still loves you,
A part of me still cares about you,
A part of me still cares in some odd way
What you think and how much you loved me,
Or at least what you made me believe,
Was it all for show?
Was it all for a play act?
Was there any real emotions?
Did you honestly care?
A part of me wants to know the answers,
A part of me rather just forget
The way you use to smile at me,
The way you use to kiss me,
The way you use to hold my hand,
The way you called me beautiful,
The way you called me your sweetness in Russian,
The way I use to feel safe around you,
But that has crashed and burned,
Everything was taken away from me
In a blink of an eye,
Everything that I thought was forever,
Turned into dust,
I was left feeling nothing and everything,
I was left feeling the numbness and the pain,
I was left with these feelings in my heart,
The thoughts in my mind,
That tries to cast doubts on everything in my life,
I just wish for this pain to end,
I just wish for the part of me to forget,
To forget everything about you,
So that I can move on and not think,
And not remember,
What it was like with you.

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