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Showing posts from 2017

Changing the Dialogue on Bra Wearing

Long before I would ever been diagnosed with fibromyalgia I could not handle wearing bras even ones custom fitted. The uncomfortableness and pain from wearing most of the day would cause me issues. My then boyfriend at the time spoke words that I held onto for a long time more or less saying for how well he knew me I never did anything I didn't want to. This wasn't any sexual choice, but for sake of comfort and not having any pain from wearing bras.

Nowadays even with how much has changed for women we seem to slut shame or assume women who don't wear bras are doing it for sexual reasons. Not even bearing to mind that many have fibromyalgia and the fact of wearing certain clothes can cause insane amounts of pain or other pain related illnesses that might do the same. Or the fact that honestly when it comes to the end of the day some don't wear them just because like me found them too uncomfortable not for any sexual related reason. Some are called names or seen not an a…

Hidden Truth of PCOS

There is a certain hidden truth about PCOS or polycystic ovary syndrome, and that is even if you go to doctors and tell them about certain symptoms that are common for said health issue you can go many years without being actually diagnosed. The sad truth although it is the number one infertility issue in women is there is still not enough exposure, talk, or people really knowing what it is including doctors. Doctors many of times might diagnose with other issues that are not the true heart of the matter such as diabetes, hypothyroidism, and etc which is caused due to having pcos. This personally happened to me I had many of the symptoms of pcos even as young as 12 when I suddenly gained weight as I hit puberty and not due to food issues.

However, all the kids that teased me about my weight only seeing that, not knowing the truth as I didn't know the truth. I would struggle until even my twenties with body image because I was curvier than most people I knew. With the media portray…

Pcos and Pregnancy

11 years ago my journey to become pregnant with my first husband without knowing about polycystic ovary syndrome and thinking I only had asthma at the time. I struggled through the entire marriage not knowing that my constant changing periods, that my weight, and other things were to be blamed on something I only heard about from another friend. With health insurance and seeing different doctors as I grew up no one seem to catch I had pcos until 4 years ago that there was something behind my infertility, weird periods, and the weight issue although some was due to hypothyroidism. My heart would break many years over and over to the point I felt I was never going to have kids after the diagnosis.

Over the years my health issues would increase as if winning a horrible lottery adding more to the despair, losing hope of ever bearing a child, and adopting wasn't something that seemed possible to do. I met my natural path doctor in September of 2016 at a point where I felt the lowest ha…

Path

You cannot choose my path,
You cannot bully me to be something I'm not,
You cannot force me into a certain belief,
Life just doesn't work that way,
Pushing people beyond what's acceptable,
Instead of just loving them for who they are,
Who are you to judge their path?
Who are you to judge what they believe?
Who are you to spout out things?
Discrediting other faiths!
Discrediting other paths!
Instead of just caring for people,
Loving truly unconditionally,
Giving all people a chance,
Stop seeing people a certain way!
Have respect!
Instead of pushing people into boxes,
To these labels that are more harmful than good,
See them as what they are human,
You cannot choose my path,
You cannot choose my beliefs,
You cannot force me to follow something I'm not,
Just as you cannot choose other people's path,
Or their beliefs,
Or force them into boxes,
Or labels,
Or any of those things,
Stop judging,
You don't know their story,
And each story makes us walk different paths,

Boxes

Don't put me in a box,
I just cannot fit,
I just don't hold one label,
I was never good at fitting in,
I could never be just one thing,
Guess my life was always meant to be that way,
Labels were sometimes put on me,
Ones I would fight,
Ones I accepted,
But don't put me in a box,
I was just never made for that,
I cannot be just one certain thing,
It's just too boring,
And I have to be me,
I have to shine the way I shine,
I have to dream the way I dream,
I have to love the way I love,
I have to believe the way I believe,
I have to hope the way I hope,
And sometimes I got to cry the way I cry,
But I cannot be put in a box,
It just won't fit me that way,
I was never good at just being one thing,
I have always been my mother's daughter,
Open minded,
Free spirit,
But also a huge heart,
Independent and strong willed,
It is what has gotten me through you see,
Many battles and hardships I have been,
Many I am sure still out there,
Strength is something I'm no strang…

Love instead of Hate

Why is there this war? War against our bodies? We can't just love ourselves? Love who we are? Society doesn't do us any favors, Telling us we got to be this or that, Can't be curvy, Can't be short, Can't be a certain color, Can't have this imperfection of this, Or what is perceived as an imperfection, Since when did we have to make war of ourselves? Instead of just loving who we are? Love instead of hate? Who cares if someone has tattoos, Or piercing, Short or tall, Curvy or skinny, White, black, or in between, Love should be the goal instead of war, What we are given in this life, These bodies, Sometimes not perfect, Sometimes later given to disease, And in the end we all pass on, We need to learn to instead hating what's on the outside, To love who we are as people, Stop caring what we weigh, What we look like, Who we love, Life is too short,

Fibromyalgia

When the arm pain started again after it being dormant for a bit and my migraines increasing to a more intense speed I knew my life was about to change again. It was becoming harder and harder to be on my computer for long periods of times even with breaks and my hand braces I was starting to use my phone more, yet I think a good part of me wanted to be in denial or hoped against hope that it was anything but the word I've heard muttered by my best friend before. The pain was already claiming many things and it was hard for too many to understand other than him even after getting the crashing devastating blow that followed before I knew it.
Fibromyalgia. One powerful word that seemed to suck everything out of me that moment and made me feel that my life was over, my life was obviously not over, but things as I knew it would never be the same again. It has given me sure insane strength because you need to be in order to deal with the sometimes mind numbing crushing pain that occurs…

Health Reform

Oregon health plan can and does, but probably usually doesn't due to high number of people,  look into the income information if you are married and literally can deny you at any month you do not meet the requirements for the income restrictions.
Read that slowly. This is probably in all other states too as they look at the poverty level, which I would think especially with certain things be a pretty big number with the increased homeless in Oregon alone as of late because of the problem they had with section 8 and etc due to the rising of housing it's gotten very crazy. This is the point though if this is true this seems that Oregon Health plan and probably others might be doing things that maybe even the main federal government fully doesn't know about because it's a state program so it's not ran by the federal government. Yes, Obamacare improved Oregon health plan where before you could only get what we consider the plus version with better dental actually get te…

Creating a Movement

This was originally written before the election, however beliefs still hold true on any election.

People seem to forget, yes it might sound crazy thoughts, but if enough of us do it we could still create a movement to do it. Don't like Trump or Hillary? Don't like the third option either? Feel frustrated rather have Bernie? Well it's called a write in for a reason! Seriously use your voice! We have the right to vote for a reason!

Just because certain things happened doesn't mean everything! Stand up for your rights! More importantly vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote yes I'm typing this a lot, vote, vote, vote, vote! Put certain hatred of what you might not like about politics aside and vote. Vote that we should have national wins not the electoral college like it is now. Vote for every state measure. Vote for every national measure. Most importantly vote because our voices, every single person young, old, no matter race, man, woman, gay, straight, every religion ma…

Wake Up Call

What words can I have?
What words would I even say?
I knew that even with finally finding them,
Knowing that you had never been there,
What would change that now?
But....
Cancer.
That sort of changes things doesn't it?
Can it?
Will it?
Does He know?
I know he was just like me tossed to the side,
Like we didn't exist,
We are your children,
Yet, he's on your Facebook he shares the last name,
Mine hasn't been for awhile now,
But, I lost so much time,
So, many memories I could have had,
So, many Christmases and thanksgivings with your family,
But no,
You didn't want that responsibility,

Yes

Hold me, Touch me, Caress all my edges, Open my mouth slowly with yours, Let them dance together, Yes! Let your fingertips explore every inch of my body, Yes! Let this desire continue to increase, As my hands slowly grasp your manhood, Our kisses deepen, Our breathing quicken, This desire, This love, Melting quickly into one, Slowly you let yourself into me, The moans start to escape, As the pace start to increase, Holding each other closer, Holding each other tighter, Than you push into me harder, Your eyes widen with mine, We both shake, We both moan, We both groan, Our releases nearing closer, Closer, You interweave your fingers into mine, You thrust harder and deeper, Faster until we both climax at the same time, Yes!