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Showing posts from October, 2008

Talking To You

When I talked to you,
My heart skipped a thousand beats,
As it raced thinking about you,
I never stopped loving,
I never stopped missing,
You had stayed in my mind,
Your image was always there,
No matter what,
Because I never got over you,
I could not leave you behind like I have done,
Before to many others before you,
Something about you,
Something about how you are,
Stayed in my mind,
Stayed in my heart,
Stayed in my soul,
When I talked to you,
I felt magic again,
I felt dreams returning,
I felt everything like it was yesterday,
From the first time I talked to you,
The first time I listened to your voice,
When I talk to you,
Everything in my world seems to slow,
And all I have is the thoughts,
The thoughts of you and me,
What am I to do now my darling?
Do you still want me?
Do you still care?
Do you love me?
Do you still?
I never wanted to hurt you,
I never wanted to leave you,
I thought you were gone,
Gone from my life forever,
But now that you are here,
Now that you are with me?
Here back in my life,
All my world is u…

I Am Not

I am not another notch on your belt,
I am not another person to just fuck,
I am not another object,
Maybe you cannot handle this,
Maybe your needs are different,
But I am done with the games,
But I am doing playing around,
I know what I want,
And I won’t settle for less,
I am not just some object to play with,
I am not just some other girl,
I will not deal with the heartache,
I will not deal with the pain,
Maybe I’ll still get hurt this way,
But I rather hurt through that,
Than deal with the games,
Than deal with the bullshit,
I am not just some other play thing,
I am not just another score,
I am not just another thing,
I am a person with emotions,
I am a person with other needs,
I am a person with a heart of gold,
Maybe you cannot handle it,
Maybe you are too scared,
Maybe you cannot see behind sexual pleasures,
But that is your loss,
But that is for you to deal with,
Because I will not stand here,
I will walk away,
Because I am more than just another,
And I am not going to stay around,
When that’s all you can see,

My Love Forever

No matter the hurt and pain,
No matter the broken pieces
Of this fallen heart,
You still stand there,
You know how to still
Make me smile,
Your laughter lights up my heart,
When everything else is gone,
No matter how much it hurts to breathe,
I find a way somehow
Because just one look in your eyes,
Just one look at your face,
Just one thought,
And the broken pieces don’t seem to hurt,
Don’t seem to hurt as much,
Looking back over the years,
Looking back over the words written,
Just wishing for one more,
Just wanting one more,
Just wanting this dream,
Maybe I am crazy,
But I honestly don’t care anymore,
Maybe they are right,
Maybe I am wrong,
But this is what I know for sure,
I know that despite everything,
Despite the hurt and pain,
My heart still loves you,
The love has never faded,
The love has only gorwn,
No matter what I do,
I have tried everything
To give you up,
I distanced myself
Causing only more pain,
I tried moving on
Only to find broken promises,
Broken dreams,
And false hopes,
I tried just having 
Best friend on…

Dreams And Illusions

Dreams are illusions,
Illusions are dreams,
Sometimes what we wish,
Sometimes what we dream,
Sometimes what we hope
Seem to get us through
Those times of true pain,
And when the hurt seems to surface,
And tears want to come,
And it takes every ounce,
And it takes every breathe,
And it takes every moment
To not fall apart,
And I want to feel
A love like I thought I had,
And I want to see
The true beauty of my dreams,
And I don’t want to go through it,
Through it alone,
The sadness that comes not due to him,
But the dream that was shattered,
And torn apart,
The hope that seemed to fade,
And the wondering if I would truly find
What I have been searching for,
Dreams are illusions,
Illusions are dreams,
Four years ago I stood there,
Believing I had found what I was searching for,
But it was just a dream,
It was just a cruel illusion,
Because now four years later I stand here,
Alone without him near,
And he is far away,
And he has been gone from my life,
And the pain is great,
Although I try to not care as much,
Although I try…

Like Seriously I Am DONE!

Okay time for a rant. I am seriously like done with certain things. I am soo beyond fucking tired of certain things I am putting my foot down. For a little bit I was friends with one of my friend's fiancee's ex (confusing I know) but I got tired of the whole wanting to know what was going on with those two and her not dropping things and moving on when they hadn't been together for awhile that I was like okay I am done.

I am also done with people that know her trying to put me in the middle of shit. LEAVE THINGS THE FUCK ALONE!! Seriously!! It's his life he's not with her anymore he's with the one he is with and is getting married and has a child with her. MOVE THE FUCK ON!! Just let things go already seriously. If you don't want to hear about things than don't listen. If you don't want to know about things than stop reading it. It is your choice but seriously I am done. I got enough shit going on personally and I care deeply about my friends that I …

Emotional Mess

Since I haven't written any poetry and I did post this on my myspace blog I am going to post both blogs I did over there here to put something newer here.Right now I feel like I am an emotional mess. I have sooo much that has been going through my mind especially as of late that I just don't think I can keep it to myself anymore. This year has been one of the harder years emotionally for me I have seemed to take some things that I took just fine in years or even year ago past harder this year. I don't know why but this year has been really hard as I think about past events or past things I have realized how hard this year has been for me and Adam both.

Adam has gone through about the same amount of emotional and other crap as I have. We both have gone through some shitty relationship stuff this year. He was in that car accident and mom and I been struggling on things the last few months. He had to deal with a move and the whole thing that surrounded that just kept on gettin…

Eleven Years Ago

Eleven years ago,
My world fell down for a period of time,
I was told you were gone,
I wonder now if you were alive,
What would you go through in life?
Would you have had a girlfriend?
Would you have had a wife by now?
Would you have had children?
Would you be working at a job you loved?
Or hated?
Would you have gone to college?
Would you have seen that you were cared for?
Would you see that perhaps it all was a dream?
That the pain you felt would go away?
That things would get better?
That if you knew how much people cared,
You would leave things the way you did?
Eleven years ago,
My world fell down for a period of time,
I had to tell my best friend you were gone,
I was told that I just had to be wrong,
I had to do everything to hold it in,
The tears and pain,
Until I uttered those words,
My best friend now was there holding me tight,
Knowing that I was just given the worse news that night,
And now I wonder if you were alive,
What would you have gone through in life?
Would you have found love?
Would you have see…