I Don't Want To Admit

Memories flood as the day draws near,
Heart aches with the thoughts of us,
Dreams seem shattered,
Tears want to flow,
Don’t want to look back,
But can’t seem to look forward right now,
Wanting it to be over,
Wishing it would never come,
Wishing I didn’t have to think,
That soon it would have been,
It would have been three years,
It would have been what I thought would be
A moment of bliss not this,
Not this pain and sorrow,
Not these red blood tears of pain,
Not these thoughts in the daylight,
Not these thoughts in the night,
Not the thoughts I don’t want to admit to myself,
I don’t want to admit that I miss you,
I don’t want to admit I still love you,
I don’t want to admit that sometimes I wish
Things had gone another way,
I don’t want to admit that it pains me not being with you,
But I also know that it cannot be,
I also know that things would have never really changed,
I also know that sooner or later we might be here,
I don’t want to admit sometimes it is over,
I don’t want to admit I still hurt,
I don’t want to admit there are days I am not strong,
Because I don’t want my mask to wash away,
Because I don’t want anyone to see the true pain,
Because I don’t want to admit to myself these things,
Because than I would have to admit I still love you,
That I still miss being with you at times,
That I still miss having you hold me in your arms,
That I still miss your voice,
That I still miss the names you use to call me,
I don’t want to admit,
Because than I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.