I Never Told You (David)

Note: Okay a few things. The reason for the () for those new to this I have some other I Never Told You poems that have special dedications to certain guys in my life. This is the newest one. This poem is for my ex husband.

I never told you that when you left me,
The very first time that I wanted everything to end,
I wanted to do anything possible just to hold you again,
I wanted to do anything to wake up and find it a bad nightmare,
I wanted to do anything to just show you everything inside off me,
I never told you when you ended us,
When you said you wanted the divorce,
That I wanted you to fight for me,
That I wanted you to fight just one more time,
That I wanted you to forgive me,
That I wanted me to forgive you,
That I wanted to make us work,
I never told you how many times
I wanted to turn back the clock,
To just change one thing,
Wondering if it would have changed us,
Wondering if it would have kept you with me,
Wondering if we could have lasted through it all,
Wondering if instead of putting each other down,
If we had built each other up,
That things would be different than it is now,
I never told you how many times I cried,
Just looking at the pictures of us,
Just thinking about all the memories in my mind,
Every moment from the first time we kissed,
To the last goodbye at the airport,
I never told you that I never wanted to sign,
That I never wanted to fully end us,
That I never wanted to let go,
But I was scared,
I was afraid,
And you wanted it so bad,
And a part of me thought I did too,
And that I thought it would make you happy,
And I had always wanted you happy,
I never told you,
These emotions that linger now,
These emotions that won't fully die,
These emotions that live on no matter what else goes on,
But with these words I tell you in my own way,
I tell you all that I should have told you,
I tell you all you need to hear,
I tell you I am not expecting anything,
I just want you to know,
I just want you to know I do love you,
I just want you to know I could never fully hate you,
That I couldn't even with the fronts I put up,
That I couldn't no matter what hurtful things you said,
That I couldn't no matter what hurtful things I said,
That always a part of me will be yours,
No matter how things may end.