My Forgiveness Letter to My Birth Father Jack

Recently, my husband and I watched the movie Courageous, which other than making me cry, was touching, powerful, inspirational, and stirred my heart.  Due to that movie and God's leading I wrote this for my birth father.  Now, usually I leave this blog for my actual writing like poetry, articles, and actual blog series, but I wanted to share this here too.

Dear Jack,

I know that you will probably never see or read this letter, but I am going to write it anyways because there have been many changes in my life.  Even though you have never been a part of my life through your own choices and it has been a very difficult time to feel I could ever forgive you of that especially when you wouldn’t even claim me as your own daughter.  I could never understand the one time I would ever meet you in my life, as a young impressible 12 year old girl who was about to go into Junior High, could have ever done to make you choose the choice you made that day saying that you were not my father.  The images and words haunted me for many years of my life and although not an excuse for any of my sins in my life since, probably had some to do with that.  I am grateful even though I did not yet know Christ than, that I was smart enough and determined enough through my developing and then older years to have never gotten into things that many who might have not had a father figure would have done.

I never once did drugs, get into gangs, or anything of that nature much less be sent to the principal’s office unless it was for good things.  Even before that day I had already been through adversity through my life not only due to your lack of being constant of paying child support, but because of having to handle being in Special Education until I was in the 4th grade due to my Motor Skill Problem and Speech Issue.  Most cannot even tell the latter and although the former has caused other health issues, I am very grateful for God coming into my life and showing me the love I never received and through Him he has provided all the needs I never got met growing up including the love of a father.  One of the reasons I believe it has been difficult until now to forgive you is twofold, even though the words hurt and cut me those words have not affected me for many years.

The not knowing where I came from on your side, not knowing health aspects, not knowing the family that my mom told me cared and loved me from the beginning, has been one of the reasons it has been hard for me to forgive.  The second, was the fact that I knew I had a half-brother and that there was no way of knowing how to find or connect him, not even knowing if you have the relationship with him that you could have had with me, and wondering if he would even have any idea of who I am.  But, now after being a Christian for a few years, after finding thanks to God a wonderful husband that loves me with everything that he has, after being inspired from the movie Courageous, and knowing that God would expect me to forgive all those who have trespassed against me.  I have found through the growing faith in my life through God’s grace, through the support of my husband, and wanting to let all the rest of these emotions, thoughts, and hurt fully I am forgiving you.  I pray that somehow you find God’s grace because I now release you to Him, let Him be the true judge, if you do ever repent I am here it might be still hard for me, but I am here if you ever decide to try to be the type of a father that wants to at least try to live toward God’s will.
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