I Thought It Was Safe

For a friend.

I thought it was safe to love you,
I thought it was safe to care,
I thought it was safe,
To give myself,
To give myself to you,
To give myself fully,
To let down the walls,
Let down the barriers,
Let down everything around me,
To let you into my life,
Let you into my home,
Let you into the hearts of others,
The hearts of others I love even more,
I thought it was safe,
We had gone through so much,
So many hard times,
But you held my hand,
Said we were family,
Said we were in this together,
Through thick,
Through thin,
Through everything in between,
But now you have been gone for awhile,
Been gone,
Not returning my calls,
Not returning my texts,
I even came around,
But they said you were asleep,
And still nothing,
I try to be strong,
I try to not cry,
I try to just live,
Get through every day,
Get through every moment,
Get through,
Trying to figure out,
Trying to figure out what to do now,
Trying to figure out how to live,
Trying to figure,
Wanting desperately to know the answers,
Know the answers of everything,
Everything that hurts my heart,
Hurts my soul,
Hurts every portion of my being,
Hurts every portion,
But I don’t want them to know,
Don’t want anyone to see,
Although it kills me,
Kills me silently,
I thought it was safe,
I thought it was safe to let you in,
But now where are you?
Where are you now?
I need you more than ever,
I need you more than I can express,
More than I could put into words,
He misses you too,
But somehow I am trying,
Trying to find a way,
A way through it all,
Because it seems,
That what I thought was safe,
Wasn’t safe after all.

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